Out now · the ebook · no print edition (yet)
A blueprint for happiness disguised as weight loss advice.
From ages 16 to 39, I struggled to stay at a healthy weight. I dieted, worked out like a maniac, and tracked my food on apps.
It always worked, temporarily.
I was stuck in chronic weight gain because I didn't know how to live in a world designed for weight gain.
Every plan I tried required my best, most energetic self, in other words, willpower. If you've ever concluded the problem is that you 'can't stick to anything,' this book is for you.
Why willpower?
Relying on willpower almost guarantees failure, and then we blame ourselves when it runs out.
That blame takes a serious toll on our mental health and self-esteem.
Willpower is a fine tool for short jobs: a term paper, a work deadline, a diet. It's not designed for the daily work of living in the modern world.
Anything that relies on it has a built-in expiration date, which is why the plan that finally works will be the one that never asks for it.
You’ve been taught that losing weight means resisting, restricting, and pushing through, but that’s exactly why things unravel.
This book invites you to rethink food, your life, and your thinking so you can unshackle yourself from ideas that could never work and build what will.
The author
Rebecca Thomas
I lost 55 pounds in 2010, at age 40, and have kept it off since, through perimenopause and the whole menopause transition*
The real accomplishment is how I did it; after all, people lose weight in all sorts of harmful ways.
No tracking, no caloric restriction, no fasting, and I ate carbs. I gave up dieting entirely in 2008, and that forced me to understand food and health in a completely different way. A sustainable, life-giving, personally healing way.
I’m ready to share everything I’ve learned with you in my new book.
* There have been minor periods of gain over the last sixteen years due to injury or big life changes. I handled them the same way I lost the weight: without dieting, fasting, drugs, or relying on willpower. It's all in the book.
Who is this for?
This book is for you if:
- You’ve rejoined the same program so many times that the app remembers your password, and you feel that heaviness every time you download it again.
- You’re being nudged toward a GLP-1 and keep thinking there has to be another way.
- You’re coming off a GLP-1, by choice or by cost, and you can feel the food noise coming back. You’re scared the weight is right behind it.
- You’re the caregiver in the sandwich years, running on coffee and whatever’s around, with no bandwidth left for anyone’s meal plan.
- You could teach the nutrition class. You know exactly what you “should” do, and you can’t make any of it stick.
- You eat one way in front of people and another way alone, and you’re tired of carrying that.
- You’re in perimenopause, and your weight started climbing while nothing about your eating changed.
- Your doctor’s whole answer was “eat less, move more” or a printout about the Mediterranean diet.
Forget Willpower, the ebook
$7. Instant access. This is an ebook only, with no print edition (yet).
30-day return policy.
From women who’ve done this work
“The concept of engineering your life for weight loss really resonated with me. It took the emotion out and made it about actions and habits. That made it much easier to get away from the harmful diet thinking that has been with me for three decades.”
Kathleen G., the Build program
“The one thing that surprised me is I have so much more freedom in my mind. I used to spend 90 percent of my time stressing about food.”
Susan D., the Build program
What's inside
27 chapters. Here's a taste.
4. You're Supposed to Want the Donut.
Your biology isn't a personal failure.
“Nobody is born ashamed of wanting sweets. We get taught that the wanting is the flaw, then spend decades fixing the wrong thing.”
Sixteen years into a healthy weight, I'd still eat the whole cake. This chapter takes you off the hook.
5. Of Course You Couldn't Stick to It.
This is why dieting fails. Spoiler: it ain't you.
“Dieting to lose weight isn't success. And gaining it back isn't failure. They're the same thing.”
My client Crystal used to diet for occasions. A diet is a lid on a boiling pot, and this chapter is about what's under it.
6. Whatever You Decide About GLP-1s.
Some thoughts on when it becomes a diet.
“Whether you're contemplating the drug, on the drug, or were on the drug, all the work in this book is still necessary.”
I'm grateful these drugs weren't available to me, and I won't tell you whether to take one. I will ask when it becomes a diet.
8. Your Hunger Is Not a Problem To Solve.
It's not broken, faulty, or something to banish.
“Your hunger isn't a flaw. It's a feature.”
My client Susan spent years feeding her anxiety and calling it hunger. Once she paid attention, she realized she was “very, very rarely hungry in my stomach.”
9. Midlife Has Challenges. A Declining Metabolism Isn't One.
Your body handles food differently now.
“Midlife and metabolism are not correlated.”
My client Jenn hired the trainer and bought the protein bars. She worked hard on a problem she didn't have.
16. We Have to Talk About Alcohol.
It's obesogenic, and the calories are the least of it.
“While the alcohol is being burned, the dinner is being stored.”
A Friday night with my partner and a bottle of natural wine, every week, meant five to seven extra pounds. I'll show you what else it was doing.
18. What Looks Like Willpower Is Identity.
And it takes time to develop.
“Willpower, and by extension motivation, is a story we tell about success when we don't know how to account for what's really happening.”
The people who look like they have the most self-control did something ordinary, the same thing, most days, for long enough.
And the rest of the chapters
1. Isn't Willpower a Good Thing?
Technically, but not practically.
2. Who Am I to Say?
Someone who tried everything else first.
3. You Are a Fish. This Is Water.
What surrounds you shapes you.
7. Your Body Is Just Fine.
Your body is doing exactly what you're asking of it.
10. You Can Eat Naturally, But Not Intuitively.
This distinction matters.
11. Forget the Calories. Look at What Was Done to Them.
This is the understanding of food that gets you to a healthy weight.
12. Nobody Overeats Lentils.
Let the food do the stopping.
13. You're Drowning in Overprocessed Foods (and Can't See It).
If it's confusing, that's by design.
14. Hey Sugar, I See What You're Doing.
Loosening its grasp is essential.
15. Is It Food Noise…
Or, consumption triggers?
17. Working on Your Sleep Is Working on Your Weight.
Stop thinking of your health in silos.
19. You Have Agency. Now Put It to Work.
Construct a life that builds the person you're becoming.
20. Rules Are Better Than Decisions.
Self-binding strategies are the mechanism of self-control.
21. Simplify Everything.
Make room for your practices, and make them easy.
22. You're Misunderstanding Exercise and Weight Loss.
Weight is decided in the hours between workouts.
23. The Incredible Power of a Daily Practice.
It's infrastructure you can build on.
24. What a Restaurateur Knows About Temptation.
Once you're at the table, I've gotcha.
25. Your Relationships Predict Your Intake.
I mean that both ways.
26. The Scale Is Not a Torture Device.
It reflects your self-talk.
27. Nothing Good Happens Fast.
Your weight isn't an emergency.