To me, it's also feminist.
I said as much to Alyssa Edwards on In The Room, On Purpose, in a long, honest conversation about food, shame, and why weight feels so complicated for women. We talked for over an hour, and I said some things even long-term readers may not have heard.
You are supposed to want the donut.
Your evolutionary purpose is to want the donut.
I want the donut too. I just don't pathologize myself for it. I look at that as something to minimize in my life.
And "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"? That is some BS (yes, I said it on the record). Being skinny is a body type and not an aspiration. Such a dehumanizing statement to make to women.
Willpower is a short-term tool.
Willpower and, by extension, motivation are designed as short-term tools. Willpower is extremely useful for the last two minutes of a hard run. The daily work of taking care of myself could not possibly rest on its shoulders.
When I eat out, I have a list of places that are ready to go. I insist that the thing I'm excited to eat falls within my system. (It's not chicken and broccoli.)
No willpower, lots of agency. You don't have agency when you're in the booth.
This is why every diet failed.
A diet is a temporary test of will with an impermanent result. It's a gauntlet.
Dieting manufactures shame because it is not designed to fix any kind of long-term problem, and it makes you feel bad about eating, which is bonkers.
What if the problem isn't you? Period.
Having a steady weight gain from eating normally is an unnatural state of being. And I put that squarely on the processing of food. You live in a disordered world. You are not meant to live in a world that is constantly suggesting that you eat.
Cheese is a heritage food 💛. This is a food that your body understands. Your body does not understand what they're doing at Chili's (we talked about a phenomenon I had no idea about).
If you're partnered, where is your husband at dinnertime?
And why does he have time to exercise and you don't?
Women went to work, but they were never relieved of the responsibility of the household (hence, Hamburger Helper). We talked about why so many women lose weight after a divorce. She was relieved of taking care of another fully grown adult. She was given time.
I also told the story of the sweets in our house. My partner reverted back to the diet culture way of thinking, which is "just don't eat it." Me? I'm like a dog with a treat.
I would never tell my partner to eat or not eat something. I curate my own personal environment. But if you are in a loving relationship, there should be some level of curiosity from your partner about what you need to thrive.
You have the right to be in relationships that support what you need to be healthy.
I like to see a pattern over time.
I treat the scale a little like going to my doctor once a year and getting my labs done. It tells me how the practices are going.
If you feel dread getting on the scale, you have emotional work to do before using it as a tool. Your number exists all the time. It's just the number of your gravity in the world. It's the story attached to it.
We also talked about my mom, an amazing home cook whose love of food lives on in me. There was the family's food and there was what I was allowed to have. What I would have loved is a discussion of care, a discussion of discernment of food.
Eating, loving food, loving the pleasure of food is not the problem. I have not given that up.
Watch the full conversation here →
It's also on Spotify and Apple Podcasts if you'd rather listen on a walk.
Ask yourself:
- Am I okay with my food dictating how much I eat?
- Where am I relying on willpower right now?
- Is the person I live with curious about what I need to thrive?
- What story is attached to my number?
Hit reply and tell me what comes up. I read every one.
Health at midlife is closer to an apprenticeship than a plan
–and it's definitely not another diet.
If you don't own these courses and want them, here are the links to buy.
- Don't diet. COOK!: A no-recipe, modular cooking system that teaches you to make real food every day without gadgets, meal planning, or hours of prep.
- It's The Food: A method you can learn in one day to quickly identify if a food is overprocessed junk, regardless of what the package claims.
- Hey Sugar: Teaches the fundamentals of having sugar without letting it rule and upend your life.
Yours in joyful living,
Rebecca
PS. This information is incredibly important.
