An excerpt from Forget Willpower.

Forget Willpower goes on sale next week, and I wanted you to read some of it first.

This is the opening of Chapter 20, Rules Are Better Than Decisions. It's one of my favorites because it speaks to the thorny issue of navigating life.

Every health coach has a million ideas for meal plans, workout sequences, and protein maxxing, and almost none for day-to-day life (where chronic weight gain becomes the problem).

Well, I do, and the book is full of them.

Without further ado, here's a small part of what I've been working on.

Chapter 20. Rules Are Better Than Decisions.

I love coffee shops. They are my jam. It helps that I'm an espresso nerd who makes the real deal at home every morning. Yes, even when I'm groggy, I measure, grind, tap, compress and foam my first coffee of the day.

In addition to my home setup, I also enjoy going to cute cafés and having someone do all that for me. In fact, a lot of this book was written in various coffee shops around Richmond (Virginia).

The rub is that many of them also have pastries, cookies, brownies, and the like. I'm a bit of a food snob so if the treats on display read at all as mass-produced, it's not hard to say no.

If the coffee is in a bakery with loads of yummy things that have a strong pull, I just don't go. In that situation, abstaining is nearly impossible for me.

Most outings fall somewhere in the middle. The treats on display are good, not amazing, but probably pretty tasty. I might even be a little hungry when I go through the line.

How does one handle that? Long before walking into the café.

Clarity on what I need.

I know that in order to have and keep a healthy weight, real treats have to be limited to once a week. Lucky for me I have a beautiful bakery within walking distance of my home. They make a cherry-pistachio croissant-style pastry that is the stuff of dreams. I love it and look forward to it.

To protect my ability to have it, I have to limit other treats. Having one thing you really look forward to is key.

When I find myself going through the line for the more middlin' offers I have a handy tool to keep them at bay: my default is no treats at random coffee shops.

Please do not be fooled by the simplicity of this idea. It's actually a powerful approach for some situations and that person you know who doesn't indulge even if others are? They may be operating on self-binding strategies.

What's a self-binding strategy?

A self-binding strategy is a decision you make ahead of time that takes a later decision off the table. You put something between yourself and the thing you'd rather not do, while you're calm enough to mean it. My no-treats default is one. So is skipping the bakery altogether.

The idea is old. Odysseus had his crew tie him to the mast so he could hear the Sirens and still sail past them, and philosophers call a promise you make to your future self a Ulysses contract. The psychiatrist Anna Lembke gave it the name I use. In Dopamine Nation she describes self-binding as deliberately putting barriers between yourself and the thing that pulls at you, because in the moment of wanting, the wanting wins. I'd been doing it for years with sugar before I had a word for it.

The research says the same thing in plainer numbers. Across 23 studies, people who decided in advance, in the form "if this happens, I'll do that," ate more of the healthy things they'd planned, and somewhat fewer of the unhealthy ones.

In a newer study, people under stress reached for the tastier, less healthy food, unless they'd been allowed to commit to their choice ahead of time. When they could, they did it more often, and the stress effect disappeared.

We set ourselves up for success by limiting our options and pre-deciding how we'll navigate temptations. In doing so, we make using our willpower less necessary throughout the course of the day. The movies are a good example. I make the call ahead of time that I'm skipping the concessions, and then there's no consternation, no going back and forth trying to justify the calories. The decision was made in the car.

I call it 'Rules Are Better Than Decisions.' Instead of equivocating at every opportunity to indulge (should I? shouldn't I?), I make it simple to just not.

It's actually easier to just not.

The very first place I employed this idea was the checkout line. I wanted to stop mindlessly grabbing candy bars and it seemed easier to just quit them altogether.

Samuel Johnson said it in 1778: "Abstinence is as easy to me as temperance would be difficult." He meant wine, and it applies to candy bars just as well.

Quitting is one decision. Moderating is a decision every time, and every time is a chance to lose.

What's next?

Forget Willpower will be ready for sale next week 🎉. I'll email you the details.

I'm also hosting two book meetups, only for early buyers. You can talk to me and ask questions about anything in the book.

Yours in good care, 

Rebecca

PS. Do you know someone who might be interested in my book? Please forward this email to them. They can sign up here.

PPS. I'm a one-woman operation and grateful for any word-of-mouth I can get.